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| I pretty much don't want to go to work tomorrow.
I wish I still worked in Mansfield. I miss that store.
Oh well. Everything happens for a reason? It's my
own fault that I don't work there anymore. I'm real
tired of complaining. I've been in a pretty good mood
for the past couple of weeks, but thinking about going
to work makes me grumpy. I need to find a job doing
something that I love. Or at least working with people
that I like. That would make it a whole hell of a lot easier.
I wish I would talk about my real problems or reasons
that I'm upset right now. But I can't be that transparent.
-Sarah
P.S. this song says it all. | | |
| I really don't like being sick and staying home all weekend
because I have to work early everyday. I have Wednesday
off and I'm very much looking forward to that because it's
my only day off next week and because I get to stay up late
on Tuesday night and sleep in the next morning. I can't wait.
I think I would enjoy work more if my manager wasn't so
angry at everyone right now and if I didn't work with a ton
of shit-talking people who make it nearly impossible for you
to have a good time when you're working. It makes going to
work such a drag. I could lose my job just because people
in Burleson are so bored that they have to make up rumors
about me making up rumors so that I get in trouble. I don't
know why anyone would hate me that much when I haven't
done a single thing wrong to anyone that I work with, but
whatever. I just hope that I don't get fired for other people's
immaturity. Cause I definitely can't afford it. Especially right
now. I swear, everywhere I go, the drama follows! I hate it!
I can't figure it out, for the life of me. My manager was crying
when I left work today because of all this bullshit. Of course
she flipped out at ME when I tried to ask her what was wrong.
You know, I'm completely innocent in this situation and I don't
think it's fair for her to treat me that way when she doesn't even
know what's going on. Some people, I swear. GET A PULSE! -Sarah | | |
| Really? I haven't updated in a week? Weird. It's probably because I have myspace now.
And also because I'm busy, all of the time. My dad fixed my car yesterday. Woo-hoo!
It still shakes a little bit, but at least it does what it's supposed to do. I need to get my
oil changed. I'll probably do that tomorrow. Sorry I've been ignoring you, xanga, and
fellow xanga followers. I've been in contact with some people from my past on myspace.
It's kind of strange, talking to people that you haven't spoken to in ages, but it's also kinda
nice. Wow, I must have been really tired last night, I slept for 10 hours. I haven't even been
out of bed for an hour yet. It pretty much rules sleeping til noon-ish. I had quite a few strange
dreams, but I hardly remember them. I think I slept too long cause I kind of just want to go
back to bed. Ugh, it's my day off and I have to go to a stupid meeting tonight. It's at such a
random time. Why couldn't it have been at a normal time in the day? 7pm-9pm? That means
I have to drive to Lewisville after my meeting that's in Burleson. I'm not looking forward to
driving that far, at that hour. Anyway, this is getting pretty random and pointless. The song
that just came on totally reminds me of California and being 11. I freaking miss those days.
-Sarah | | |
| I'm so exhausted. I just want to lay in my bed and cry for hours.
It never ends. One problem after the other. First my friends start
giving me crap, and then men, and then the people I work with,
and now my car. WHAT THE HELL? I'm so tired of everything
shitty happening at the same time. I'm just so stressed out. I need
to have more faith, but it's hard to, when you have no idea what's
going to happen. It's just freaking miserable. My head is in about
a thousand different places, none of which being where it needs to
be. I don't know how to deal with shit anymore. I just want to go
cry and sleep for like six days. But unfortunately I have to work, to
pay my bills. And apparently bees are disappearing and that means
no more pollen, which means no more fruits and vegetables, which
means, the world is pretty much ending. Why can't it happen today?
-Sarah | | |
| My last entry was definitely too...transparent.
Perhaps I should learn to be more censored.
I don't feel much differently about anything
since the last time I posted. Except for a bit
sadder. And at the present moment, I feel
pretty loopy from the exceddrin I took for
my migraine. Things are very stressful right
now. I feel as if I'm struggling in every area
of my life, these days. Or at least with the
important things. If I were a better steward
of my time/finances/relationships, I think I
might be at least a little bit happier. I don't
think I try hard enough with anything in life.
That's really sad. I think every negative thing
that happens to me is my fault, and I hardly
ever realize it. But I always know it, in the
back of my mind. After today I should have
learned to stop complaining about...anything.
I have a roof over my head, a job that pays
my bills, a good car, a whole slew of amazing
people in my life, and not to mention, a church
that I love. Yet, I still complain about the "bad"
things that happen to me that are 99.9% my fault.
Am I honestly complaining about complaining now?
I just feel so guilty about making my life out to seem
so terrible, when in reality, I have it so good. Damn.
-Sarah
P.S. I have to wake up at four thirty in the morning
and I can't effing sleep. I guess that's what happens
when you get 10 hours of sleep the night before, take
a two hour nap in the afternoon and then take caffeine
packed medicine at 6:30 in the evening. This is pretty
irritating. I guess I'm staying up all night. It's better than
only getting like two hours of sleep. To make matters
worse, I just keep thinking about the things that are
making me the saddest in my life right now & crying
about them. I can't even listen to my favorite songs
right now because it just hurts too much. My heart
has been so broken lately. For many different reasons.
I just hope that my sadness isn't rubbing off on anyone
else or bringing them down. That would only make it
all worse. I don't want anyone else to be sad on my
behalf. I mean, I definitely appreciate sympathy and
support, by all means, but I don't want to spread my
sadness around. Does that make any sort of sense?
Blahblahblahcomplainbitchwhine. Yes, that is all I do.
Every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving,
trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do,
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do.
And I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how to let you go,
I don't know how to let you go... | | |
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